National Breastfeeding Month

I've been wanting to share my breastfeeding story for awhile now. I thought this would be an appropriate time to share my whole story now that August has been declared Nation Breastfeeding Month.


Amelia is now 14 months and I have been breastfeeding for this whole time and still going. Breastfeeding has been the hardest yet most worthwhile journey I have ever experienced. It has been a personal battle of wanting things to be "right" and to follow an unwritten book that I spent half the time focused on the wrong things and never really embraced the moment. I can say that the past ehh, 6 months or so it has really taken off and I can actually finally say I enjoy nursing. 

Before we get started, I did not breastfeed Benson. I was young, only 19 years old. I thought it was weird. I'm sure at the time my thoughts on breastfeeding were along the lines of, "why breastfeed when they make formula?" I was really uninterested and tried maybe once or twice to breastfeed him. 

When I got pregnant with Amelia, I knew I wanted to do many things differently. One of the things I knew I wanted to change was my choice of breastfeeding. I did a lot of research on breastfeeding. I read up on breastfeeding blogs, books, articles... you name it, I read it. I talked to many friends who breastfed and got their advice. I really wanted to embrace breastfeeding and go for as long as I was able to. Fast forward to the day Amelia was born...and I promise, nothing could have prepared me enough for the trials and tribulations that we would face in our journey of breastfeeding. 

We immediately met with a lactation nurse when we stayed at the hospital. We got tons of information from different positions I could hold the baby to getting the proper latch. She sent us home with her number and a breast shield to use should we needed it. Everything was going great before we left the hospital.

The following days once we got home is when the craze started to set in. Am I doing it right? Is she getting enough? Do I nurse on both breasts at each session? When do I begin to pump? The questions in my head were endless. I must have called the lactation consultants every single day. And every time I got on that phone, I began to talk about my concerns, ended up talking myself through my problem and figuring it out all on my own. By the end of the talk, the nurse would always tell me, "it sounds like you got it". And I did! I just needed someone to walk me through it and to let me know I was in control and that everything was okay. I would often get these feelings of unexplainable guilt. Like I was doing something wrong. It took my husband to tell me that I was a great mom and doing a great job with the baby to overcome it. (I think it also had to do with my baby blues)

I think the hardest part of exclusively breastfeeding a baby is that you are the supplier. So every time she cried, whoever was holding the baby, would bring her right back and tell me, "I think she's hungry." That got old really fast.

Somewhere along the way, I began nursing one breast at a time. We bought a Medela Double Breast Pump and I began pumping the other breast to start my supply. I took an 8 week maternity leave so I knew I had to get started if I was going to continue to successfully be able to exclusively breastfeed. (another thing I was freaking out about). 

Before leaving the house with the baby, I would bring a bottle of breast milk because I was so nervous to nurse in public. I made it a point to plan all my errands around her feeding schedule. One day, I just snapped out of it and whipped it out (with a cover of course). I didn't get any kind of reaction. In fact, most people didn't even take notice! Why was I freaking out about it?

Once I returned to work, I took 15 minute breaks every 3 hours to pump. And while I was away, Amelia took a breast milk bottle every 3 hours to stay in sync with our schedule. I pumped where ever I found the space. Bathroom, employee kitchen, patient room, you name it, I pumped in it. Eventually, my session decreased to twice a day to then once a day once she started eating baby food, table food, and now meals. 

My supply started diminishing around 10-11months or so. So we had to supplement a bottle of formula during the day. I took so much pride to have gotten so far with exclusively nursing that it killed me to have to give her formula. But why? Why did it matter so much to me?

Then there were days when I wanted to give up so bad. To hell with nursing. But I persevered because I truly enjoyed it and the bonding we had at every nursing session. I'm thankful for the support I got from my family and my husband. They pushed me through it and we have come so far from where we started.

So here we are, 14 months later. I nurse Amelia to sleep at night. She still gets up about once a night (if I'm lucky) and I'll nurse her then. You know, I really hated that she still gets up at night - most days more than others, especially if I have to be at work the next morning. But I try and focus on the bigger picture that life goes by way too fast. In the blink of an eye, she won't want to nurse any longer. She won't want to cuddle and be held. And that's what I was missing this whole time - it didn't click for me. Until now.

Some things to take away:

1. As mothers, we all want what's best for our babies. All the meanwhile, doing what works for our lifestyle and our families. We can plan and research all we want but at the end of the day, reality is things don't always go as planned. So supplement if you have to. Breastfeed for as long as you can. And if doesn't work out, it's absolutely okay. You tried and that's all the matters. Your baby is healthy and everyone is happy. 

2. The struggles of breastfeeding shouldn't be a secret. Why did I over think everything and make a big deal of every situation? I'll never know. I was confused, sad and disgruntled but looking back, I will be forever grateful for my support team. My husband and family for always encouraging me and reminding me how well I'm doing. And my mommy friends who shared their experiences with me to help me get through my own. I've learned from my struggles and have gained experience to hopefully share with other mamas out there who need help or the very least, someone to listen and encourage them.

3. On the toughest of days, when everything that could go wrong did, looking into my sweet baby's eyes made everything worth while. From thrush to clogged milk ducts, eye surgery to the flu, we persevered and stuck with it. Breastfeeding was something I wanted to work out for me and my baby and it has been a personal accomplishment that's been fulfilling. It takes patience, faith and determination but you will get the hang of it and have peace of mind when things finally click and you get your routine.