National Breastfeeding Month

I've been wanting to share my breastfeeding story for awhile now. I thought this would be an appropriate time to share my whole story now that August has been declared Nation Breastfeeding Month.


Amelia is now 14 months and I have been breastfeeding for this whole time and still going. Breastfeeding has been the hardest yet most worthwhile journey I have ever experienced. It has been a personal battle of wanting things to be "right" and to follow an unwritten book that I spent half the time focused on the wrong things and never really embraced the moment. I can say that the past ehh, 6 months or so it has really taken off and I can actually finally say I enjoy nursing. 

Before we get started, I did not breastfeed Benson. I was young, only 19 years old. I thought it was weird. I'm sure at the time my thoughts on breastfeeding were along the lines of, "why breastfeed when they make formula?" I was really uninterested and tried maybe once or twice to breastfeed him. 

When I got pregnant with Amelia, I knew I wanted to do many things differently. One of the things I knew I wanted to change was my choice of breastfeeding. I did a lot of research on breastfeeding. I read up on breastfeeding blogs, books, articles... you name it, I read it. I talked to many friends who breastfed and got their advice. I really wanted to embrace breastfeeding and go for as long as I was able to. Fast forward to the day Amelia was born...and I promise, nothing could have prepared me enough for the trials and tribulations that we would face in our journey of breastfeeding. 

We immediately met with a lactation nurse when we stayed at the hospital. We got tons of information from different positions I could hold the baby to getting the proper latch. She sent us home with her number and a breast shield to use should we needed it. Everything was going great before we left the hospital.

The following days once we got home is when the craze started to set in. Am I doing it right? Is she getting enough? Do I nurse on both breasts at each session? When do I begin to pump? The questions in my head were endless. I must have called the lactation consultants every single day. And every time I got on that phone, I began to talk about my concerns, ended up talking myself through my problem and figuring it out all on my own. By the end of the talk, the nurse would always tell me, "it sounds like you got it". And I did! I just needed someone to walk me through it and to let me know I was in control and that everything was okay. I would often get these feelings of unexplainable guilt. Like I was doing something wrong. It took my husband to tell me that I was a great mom and doing a great job with the baby to overcome it. (I think it also had to do with my baby blues)

I think the hardest part of exclusively breastfeeding a baby is that you are the supplier. So every time she cried, whoever was holding the baby, would bring her right back and tell me, "I think she's hungry." That got old really fast.

Somewhere along the way, I began nursing one breast at a time. We bought a Medela Double Breast Pump and I began pumping the other breast to start my supply. I took an 8 week maternity leave so I knew I had to get started if I was going to continue to successfully be able to exclusively breastfeed. (another thing I was freaking out about). 

Before leaving the house with the baby, I would bring a bottle of breast milk because I was so nervous to nurse in public. I made it a point to plan all my errands around her feeding schedule. One day, I just snapped out of it and whipped it out (with a cover of course). I didn't get any kind of reaction. In fact, most people didn't even take notice! Why was I freaking out about it?

Once I returned to work, I took 15 minute breaks every 3 hours to pump. And while I was away, Amelia took a breast milk bottle every 3 hours to stay in sync with our schedule. I pumped where ever I found the space. Bathroom, employee kitchen, patient room, you name it, I pumped in it. Eventually, my session decreased to twice a day to then once a day once she started eating baby food, table food, and now meals. 

My supply started diminishing around 10-11months or so. So we had to supplement a bottle of formula during the day. I took so much pride to have gotten so far with exclusively nursing that it killed me to have to give her formula. But why? Why did it matter so much to me?

Then there were days when I wanted to give up so bad. To hell with nursing. But I persevered because I truly enjoyed it and the bonding we had at every nursing session. I'm thankful for the support I got from my family and my husband. They pushed me through it and we have come so far from where we started.

So here we are, 14 months later. I nurse Amelia to sleep at night. She still gets up about once a night (if I'm lucky) and I'll nurse her then. You know, I really hated that she still gets up at night - most days more than others, especially if I have to be at work the next morning. But I try and focus on the bigger picture that life goes by way too fast. In the blink of an eye, she won't want to nurse any longer. She won't want to cuddle and be held. And that's what I was missing this whole time - it didn't click for me. Until now.

Some things to take away:

1. As mothers, we all want what's best for our babies. All the meanwhile, doing what works for our lifestyle and our families. We can plan and research all we want but at the end of the day, reality is things don't always go as planned. So supplement if you have to. Breastfeed for as long as you can. And if doesn't work out, it's absolutely okay. You tried and that's all the matters. Your baby is healthy and everyone is happy. 

2. The struggles of breastfeeding shouldn't be a secret. Why did I over think everything and make a big deal of every situation? I'll never know. I was confused, sad and disgruntled but looking back, I will be forever grateful for my support team. My husband and family for always encouraging me and reminding me how well I'm doing. And my mommy friends who shared their experiences with me to help me get through my own. I've learned from my struggles and have gained experience to hopefully share with other mamas out there who need help or the very least, someone to listen and encourage them.

3. On the toughest of days, when everything that could go wrong did, looking into my sweet baby's eyes made everything worth while. From thrush to clogged milk ducts, eye surgery to the flu, we persevered and stuck with it. Breastfeeding was something I wanted to work out for me and my baby and it has been a personal accomplishment that's been fulfilling. It takes patience, faith and determination but you will get the hang of it and have peace of mind when things finally click and you get your routine.

B Starts Kindergarten

Two weeks ago (the week we got back from the beach) Benson started Kindergarten! We met with his teacher at open house and instantly loved her. She had spunk and was very welcoming to Benson. I was the overly prepared mom that came with all our supplies in hand and ready to fill out any paperwork that came my way. I volunteered to buy her some additional craft supplies on her "wish list" and also signed up to be a helper for any crafts that she needed help with (i.e. paper cutting or gluing that she didn't have time to do). I really wish I was able to spend more time in the classroom with Benson but unfortunately with my work schedule, I'm very limited on time. 

On his very first day I got to watch him wait at the bus stop/ our driveway for the bus to come pick him up! Now some parents are against the bus, but I rode the bus up until I was able to drive myself to school and I had no problems and I came out perfectly fine. I know the world is so different now but we live in a decent neighborhood so I had no doubts that Benson would do fine otherwise. So after the million pictures with his backpack on and after all my slobbery kisses we sent him on his way and waved good-bye from the window. I remember looking at Eric once the bus left and we both got teary. Our little boy is growing up! We have arrangements for my Mom to get Benson off the bus in the afternoons. That night he told me his day went well and had two requests: He wanted to be a car rider and wanted to bring his lunch from now on.  

Fast forward two weeks later, and even with all the excuses you could think of that he came up with as to why he didn't want to ride the bus like "there are no seat belts, he had to share a seat with another kid, and it was too loud..." He is still riding the bus. I think he's getting acclimated now that he's made some friends. And as far as lunches, we decided that we are going to review the menu the night before and decide if that is something he wants to eat, otherwise we'll pack him a lunch. And that's that. Benson's in Kindergarten! AH!

Family Vacation 2013: Destin, FL

Just got back from our week long stay in sunny Destin, FL! I didn't think we'd see the day. This trip had been in the making for the past year.  My whole family (Dad's side - all 24 people!!!) rented a lovely home in a quaint gated community just a couple blocks away from Crystal Beach. The weather was beach perfect - hot, humid, sticky and DRY! We were basically living in Seattle these past few weeks in GA with non stop rain so it was amazing to be under the sun. The sand was white and the water was clear, absolute paradise!

Eric and I had not taken a vacation in some time. I didn't get a vacation last year, having taken a maternity leave. So this trip was especially exciting because it was Amelia's very first trip to the BEACH! (and road trip for that matter) We are the best at procrastinating and waited last minute to pack. Luckily, I can be pretty thorough and was able to do it the night before and did not manage to miss a single item! Go me! It can be stressful to pack for a trip. On top of all my essentials, I had to pack for 2 additional children. It was my job not to forget Benedryl, swim diapers, movies on the iPad or the NoseFrida (side note: Best invention EVER!) Just all the random things you end up needing on such a long trip away from home.

So our bags were packed and we were off to start our 6 hour drive to the beach. We decided to leave that morning at 6am because Amelia is the worst at traveling. I remember Benson being the same. She gets antsy after 30 minutes in the car. So we anticipated her to sleep most of the trip there if we left early enough. Thankfully she did and the trip there was a good one. Once we got there, we all ran through the house to pick dibs on who was sleeping where.

The rest of the trip was spent either on the beach, in the gorgeous "lagoon" pool or BBQing outside. We stayed right across the street from the outlet mall and within a 5 mile radius from ever store you could ever think of - Walmart, Target, Publix, BestBuy. Seriously, you name it, and we were right down the street. Some eventful "just-our-luck" moments to remember: Eric sprained his ankle the second day we were there (there goes my baggage carrier, ha!), Amelia catching a cold (for an exclusively breastfed baby she sure does catch colds often. It's so annoying) and little B getting chaffed (poor guy).

Overall it was a great trip. Lots of memories to share and great pictures to go with them. I think I'm good with not seeing my family until Christmas time. Ha, joking. But really...

We all got perfectly sun burnt tanned. I love it! Now let me get back to lathering up my little fam with some aloe + lidocaine gel ;) Enjoy our pictures! (most of them are on my facebook)

The Best Big Brother

I wanted to take some time to shine some light on my other baby that I feel like I rarely talk about. It's so easy to forget his accomplishments and growth when there's a new baby in the house. Benson has completely stolen my heart all over again these past few weeks. And while we were ecstatic for Amelia turning one, I didn't take much notice to how much Benson had matured this summer. He is THE BEST BIG BROTHER! He is so caring and helpful when I need him the most. 

Last week Amelia and I were stricken with a stomach virus. (I know right, AGAIN? - FML) It must have been another strand of the virus because Amelia JUST got it the week before her birthday. I can't imagine her body NOT fighting it off after just getting it 2 weeks ago. Although Amelia's was short lived it, it was much different than the last time. She had a fever and didn't throw up everything she ate! (Thank God!) I ended up getting it from her (go figure with all the kissing and cuddling we did) and it was all down hill from there. Luckily we had a short work week because of the 4th of July Holiday and I was able to rest at home. Benson happily stepped up to help CHANGE AMELIA'S DIAPER! - I type that in all caps because what 5 years old boy is willing to help change diapers? He helped give Amelia a bath, including washing her hair  head :) and body and mostly keeping her entertained so I could rest. I can't say enough of how much of a great little helper he is. His heart is so big and he is such a genuinely kind person. Eric and I are more than pleased with the person he is growing up to be.

 Benson's facial expression is so funny. Her crying her head off just doesn't phase him!

We have always, always allowed Benson to make his own decisions, provided they were healthy, safe choices. We never deterred, or "sheltered" if you will, him from the media or current events, etc. What I'm getting at is that we've always let Benson listen to the music we do, watched movies we watch - nothing x-rated of course, play video games. We've especially made it clear to differentiate what is reality and acceptable. So with that being said, this boy is OBSESSED with Minecraft. He consumes himself with it. From the YouTube videos of other people playing it to spending so much time playing it. At first I was hesitant on letting him play. But the more I learned about it through Eric, it seems to be a pretty legitimate life lessons kind of game. He learns basic survival skills, crafting, agricultural skills. It's so fulfilling to watch him become so fascinated with something that is beyond his years. Just the other day he said, "Mom, there's a new mod[ification] on minecraft that let's the villagers get married and procreate to have babies." My jaw dropped. Not that he has any idea what procreating entails. It blows my mind.

I can't believe he's starting kindergarten in just 4 weeks! He'll get to ride the big bus, bring a backpack and walk his little self to his classroom and pick out lunch...I just can't believe it! 

 

Happy 1st Birthday to my Father's Day Baby

I officially have a ONE year old! This past week, preparing for Amelia's birthday party has been absolutely CRAY! By the end of it,  I was ready for it to all be over! Hosting a party is no joke.

To begin, Amelia caught a stomach virus a WEEK before her party. I'm talking throwing up food and diarrhea to no end. We threw our bed sheets in the wash every night from whatever blow out she had. (Took me back to her newborn days). She was on a strict Pedialyte diet. Ultimately I made the decision to continue nursing. It just made sense to me to allow her the comfort of nursing and the extra anti-bodies and nutrients regardless if she was going to throw them back up. My little babe looks so little after her sickness. I'm used to seeing rolls on rolls on rolls with this chunk. On top of having a sick baby, we were understaffed at work. You can imagine how stressed I was last week in trying to prepare for her party, having a sick clingy baby and being in overdrive at work to compensate for being understaffed. I'm surprised I don't have wrinkles/bags under my eyes, gray hair or any hair for that matter! 

Sick babe couldn't muster up the strength to give me a smile

 

Party Planning: I tried to prepare myself ahead of time. I have a problem over committing to projects and really not allowing myself enough time to complete everything. For her party, I did a 'shades of pink' theme. Ombre pink if you will. I knew I wanted to bake all the desserts. I also knew I wanted to do a pinata (duh, I love making those). I also wanted to make a 'Stats chalkboard' for the guests to read. Everything was pretty much completed besides baking (which I did the night before the party). Once I had everything frosted and all my decorations together, my final vision came together nicely and I was really happy with the outcome.

 

 Unfortunately I didn't get a picture of the inside of her cake, which was also ombre pink! :(

Sou Kwan: Before the birthday celebration began, we had a sou kwan. You can find more information on the ceremony here. The ceremony ended up being really intimate. By this time, Amelia was unhappy and hungry. We were afraid to give her food in case her stomach was still upset. But after a little bit of rice and chicken, she was in better spirits. 

Tired baby on the way to her party. She is holding onto the top of a frosting container. Whatever keeps her content.

Getting ready to start the Sou Kwan

 Sou Kwan

She was upset mid way through

My mom and Amelia

 

The rest of the night we danced and hung out with friends and family. The pinata was another success. It really gets to me seeing my beautiful creations being demolished like that! We also rented a bounce house, which is always a favorite for the kids. Chalk and bubbles were a great idea for the kids too. (It's so fun to have a summer birthday after years of having winter birthdays) 

 Mommy and the birthday girl 

Benson and his buddies playing with sidewalk chalk

Weeks  Months leading up to her birthday, I started singing 'Happy Birthday' so she wouldn't be taken by surprise and cry from being afraid. (Something I learned when I had Benson) So when the singing came around she was amazed by the fire of the candles to pay any attention to everyone singing. I blew out her candles and immediately brought over her smash cake. She went to town! She was kneading her smash cake and indulging in the frosting. All in all, I would say her first party was a success. 

Smash Cake!

 

 

Celebrating her REAL birthday: We celebrated her real birthday on Monday. I cooked a big pot of spaghetti (one of her faves). This was one her first meals after being sick. After getting cleaned up, we sang and let her enjoy a cupcake. 

 Father's Day: Amelia was born on Father's Day last year. I believe every 5 years, her birthday will land on Father's Day. Sadly, she isn't much of a daddy's girl as she is a momma's girl. (I'll relate that to the breastfeeding) Father's Day was spent opening her gifts from the party. She loves to pull stuff out of boxes, drawers, bags etc. so she had a blast making a mess. We surprised Eric with some Walking Dead books and comics - he is the biggest zombie lover ever! We got some ice cream and watched a movie at home. A day well spent with my favorite people!

Grabbed some ice cream and this little one wanted to eat the grass. Her reaction when we told her 'NO!'

 This past year has been one hell of a ride. If anything, it has taught me a great deal of patience and learning to let go and leave it to the universe! Being a mother of two is a tough one. I've had to learn to spread my time and attention. It's hard to tend to a screaming baby while the other needs help with something else. I've learned a lot about my husband, my children and about myself. I'm excited to see what's in store for us. My family has my heart and as long as we're with each other, I'm the happiest I can be.

 

 Amelia's first ride with her car seat turned forward!

 

This picture tickles me. Her facial expression KILL ME!

I know I've already written a novel but I'll end it here with some updates on Amelia. (We have not had our year check up yet so these are based on guesses from her last visit)

Age: 1 Year!

Height: 28 inches

Weight: 20lbs

Head: Will update once I take her to the doc

Clothes size: 12 months are perfect. I prefer dressing her in 18 months for the comfort so we're not having to contort her body to get her arm in the sleeve!

Milestones: She can walk along furniture - another 'step' closer to walking!

Sleep: My least favorite of things. I've finally come to terms that she is not a good sleeper. Some nights are better than others. I've read and talked to my lactation consultant that breastfed babies (especially those that co-sleep) continue to wake through the night until they're older. With her recent illness, she has picked up the very bad habit of nursing ALL NIGHT LONG! (who the f*** has time for that!) I'm trying to break that habit which means we have a lot of long nights ahead of us!

Best Moment: My heart melts seeing my children play together. The age difference is perfect for our family. Benson is so helpful. He is comfortable holding her (or at least trying to). I even saw him fixing her dress for her!!

Worst Moment: She is such a diva. I don't remember Benson having tantrums as bad as Amelia has been having. Screaming at the top of her lungs. Inconsolable - nothing will distract her attention. We have had to leave immediately to avoid stares! Never in my life have we had to deal with that with Benson. Oh boy. We are in for a ride!

Fave Foods: Amelia is such a great eater. She loves fruit! Spaghetti, chicken and rice, eggs and jelly toast are some of her faves. We have slowly been introducing her to whole milk. So far so good. She seems to like, especially warm. But this baby sure does love her breast milk. We are 366 days into nursing and going strong. I don't see us weaning any time soon.

Language: Still no words yet but she makes her message very clear when she does not like something!

Teeth: We're at a total count of 4 for now. Her top gums are swollen so I imagine more coming. Maybe that'll explain her bouts of terror!

Weekend Recap: Happy Birthday to ME!

This weekend I celebrated my 25th birthday! (Talk about having your foot in the grave, ha!) I was a little sad at first to be turning half a century old but I'm really starting to embrace it now. I have a lot of be proud of; my family, my home, my job. I've been joking that I'm really celebrating the 4th anniversary of my 21st birthday. I know when that day comes that I feel "old" I'm going to cry like a baby. 

I hardly ever do anything special for my birthday. My birthdays became insignificant once I became a mom, so having Benson at 19 made me miss out on those 'party like a rockstar' celebrations. The only time I remember doing anything cool was when Eric threw me a surprise 21st birthday. (He really is the best husband) So this year I decided to celebrate ALL weekend long! Eric and I took Friday (my actual birthday) off of work to spend the day together with the kids. We started the day off with breakfast. My sweet husband made me a yummy green smoothie (household favorite) and an amazing omelet! He pulled the "I forgot something in the garage, can you go get it?" line. I knew he was up to something...

He got me the coolest road bike. We recently surprised Benson with a big-boy bike and I had previously gawked at some bikes. Looks like he had been listening. (good husband...)

 We went to lunch and did a little shopping and ending the day at the pool with my mom.

                                                                                                                 My mom and Amelia relaxing at the pool

I spent most of Saturday having a girls outing with my mini and did a little lot of shopping. I did some damage. Oops. We enjoyed the company of a few friends and family with a BBQ at our place. The night was spent with really good food, music and lots of laughs. 

Of course we did lots of drinking

My bestest friends growing up, my two cousins,  Surita and Vorada

The entrance to our doorway where Eric wrote this warning for our guests. "Welcome, please do not step on the bird shit!"

Check out that chalk work!

 

Sunday funday was spent relaxing. My the minis slept with my parents so Eric and I could finally get some alone time. We got to go grocery shopping together, alone! We ended the day drinking by the pool like old times. 

My birthday weekend was perfect! 

Amelia - 11 months

Amelia turns 11 months today. That means we are only one short month away from her very first birthday! I am in tears just thinking that it has been a whole year that this sweet baby joined our family. 

She is so much fun! She is such an observer but has her moments of curiosity and will crawl all around the house chasing the dog and getting into everything. Benson was such a good listener so we never baby proofed our house but I have a feeling we will need to with Amelia. She loves to climb the fire place and pull out papers from the cabinets. She is still a scardy cat and won't take any steps but she's really good a pulling up and holding onto things. We have to keep things off the coffee table now that she can stand. She loves to squeal and scream. She hasn't started talking yet. She'll say "da da" but I'm not sure she's actually calling Eric. 

She's going through separation anxiety. I am her favorite person (duh) and sometimes the only person that can comfort her. So I find myself baby wearing, a lot... I don't mind it. It may the breastfeeding thing but either way, I love my girl! 

Speaking of breastfeeding, we're still hanging on! 11 months strong. I feel like our nursing sessions are numbered so I'm enjoying it as much as I can. I love our time alone to nurse and bond. In the same token, I'm ready to give it up! I'm really hoping that once she starts drinking regular milk, she'll sleep better at night. (fingers crossed!) I'm ready for a full night's sleep as I'm sure she is too.
 

 

She usually falls asleep after I nurse her. When she sleeps in my arms, that's my favorite! 

 

We've started party planning! It's going to be a big celebration! We are planning on having a sou kwan ceremony - almost like a christening. I'm starting the preparation early so I'm not rushing last minute to get things together. (or at least those are the intentions)

The backdrop and props I put together for photos

She did not want to cooperate in the test shots

The only "good" photo I got out of her that day

 

 

 

The weather has been absolutely beautiful in GA. We took the kids out for pizza the other night. After dinner we went to the park and I let Amelia sit in grass for the very first time. She was so excited. She loved picking at the grass and watching the kids kicking balls and riding bikes. She was squealing and wiggling around so happily. Looks like we'll have to do that more often! 

I have been really bad at blogging. I really want to update with some of the birthday ideas I have. I have so many ideas, I'm just hoping I can execute them well!