3 Weeks of Amelia

My sweetest Amelia will be 3 whole weeks tomorrow. Time has flown by! And as tiring and trying as parenting can get, it's all been a worth while journey. I could stare at that little girl all day. I've fallen in love all over again. We went to the doctor yesterday for a 2 week appointment from her last visit. Not only has she surpassed gaining her birth weight back (which is what is expected) but another pound on top of that! Breast milk is doing wonders.

Breastfeeding has definitely been a feat. I am either nursing her or pumping every spare minute of the day. I don't let any go to waste! I've been freezing what extra I have so I'll have some for when I return to work. I'll be returning to work in 3 weeks. ughhhh, not looking forward to work but I am excited about having a daily routine again.

If I'm not pumping, I'm trying to catch up on some serious sleep. Too bad sleep isn't something you can stock up on. But some miracle mommy way, I'm able to function on as little as 2 hours of sleep. Amelia gets up to feed close to every 3 hours. So she's waking up twice a night. Unless I'm under some serious sleep deprivation, I usually handles nights alone. There isn't much help I can ask for with breastfeeding.

Not only did we undergo some major changes in our lives, but so did little B. He had a hard time accepting a sibling. He loves her to death but feels so left out from all the attention Amelia is receiving. He would constantly ask "Why does everyone like Amelia better than me?" or when he was one-on-one with either Eric and I he would ask "Do you like the baby better than me?" And you know that broke my heart to the fullest extent. He got really attached to my parents. Mainly because they were giving him EXTRA attention and spoiling the rotten hell out of him. So every time they left, he had a meltdown. Leading to some punishing because it's just unacceptable to act that way, leading to jealousy and him thinking we were favoring the baby. Poor little guy just thought we had it out for him.

I think what Benson was going through had a lot of play in my 'baby blues'. I had a full week of sadness. Although it's expected after delivering your baby (with all the immediate changes in hormones), I never thought I'd experience it myself. But this time around, I was feeling really down in the dumps. So much that Eric had to take time off to hangout and be home with me. I had anxiety at all times, no appetite, and the weirdest feeling of guilt. It was truly unexplainable.

I'd like to think I have pretty good maternal instincts. But for the oddest reason, I felt like I wasn't good enough to take care of my precious Amelia. 2 weeks out and I felt much much better. No more of that sad crap and happy smiles all day. Now I absolutely adore her. I think I change her outfit 5 times a day. She's my real life baby doll.

It's funny how even after Benson I still found difficulty in remembering how things were when they're this young. I conveniently forgot the tiring days of newborn weeks. But we're working it out and I'm loving my life! I love watching her wiggle around and smile in her sleep. She still does a lot of sleeping. But when she's awake and alert, she'll follow my voice. I'm melting with love.